Tuesday, June 19, 2012

My Life Story in Pieces: Unceremoniously tossed out of Bible College

I have other memories of people treating me like shit on that campus...I don't care to relive them. I know I myself wasn't very nice. I made fun of the home-schooled kids (they had no social skills and were WEIRD! And not very intelligent...they were like little church zombies) and the student government kids who thought VFCC was, golly, the best-est most wonderful-est place in the darn-tootin' world. There was a guy who was unabashedly a woman-hater, who hit on anything attractive and very effeminately mocked girls who weren't as stylish as him. There were anonymous hate groups created about him online because he was such an obnoxious asshole. I myself grew a pair and decided to mock the jerk outright - well, online, not to his face. My balls weren't that big. The pretty girls made fun of me because I wore ponytails instead of The Rooster to chapel. There were the people who said they hated it there but never left...the ones who were miserable but never said so to anyone except me, it seemed.

Ever since my first day there, I had people giving me horror stories about the place, things they or their family and friends had endured that no one had spoken up about. People rolled their eyes with me at some of the ridiculous things that went on there. But when it came down to it - when I opened my mouth and (crassly) called out the college for its glaring inconsistencies, nobody stood behind me publicly. People turned me in to student life for being an abomination to VFCC and therefore to Jesus Christ Himself. A girl, Melanie Hickey, was the IT specialist on our floor. I made fun of her extremely uptight group of friends, so she used her paid position at VFCC to hack into my computer and change my password with the intent that I would fail my finals that semester. I almost did fail because of her - but I got in on time and was able to turn my papers in. A guy named Josh Sieb turned in my xanga blog to student life in an attempt to get me kicked out - FYI, I still, to this day, have NO IDEA who he is and am positive I never met him in my life. I hear he still works at a pizza shop in town and his massively obese. Glad he's doing so well for himself.

People I thought were my friends in private unfortunately never stood by me publicly. My own sister was ashamed of me. She told me to stop with my blogging, keep my head down and shut my mouth because I was embarrassing her. I skipped classes and chapel because I couldn't bring myself to wake up. Being awake was being in misery. I gained and lost weight constantly. The only person I really spoke to was C, who made me feel like the only sane person in a boat of psychos. I was still dating J, but he was MIA with a new job. When we did talk, he also didn't support me. He agreed that I should keep my head down, grow up, and stick it out. I constantly considered killing myself. My girl Jess helped me research other colleges. I made the decision mid-second semester that I would switch colleges after I finished my third semester. I decided on East Stroudsburg, a college known for its Education program and even had a concentration in my major on my dream job: administration (daycare director).

If you can see where this is going...I never got to finish my third semester. A week or two into the semester, I was called in to Student Life. The report of my blog had gotten back to them. Instead of siccing the Dean on me, it was a woman this time, not an RA but the next stage above it. She was extremely compassionate and just asked me, "If you're so happy here, why are you here?" It hadn't occurred to me that I could leave. I told her that I would think about it.

A few days later, The Big Bad Dean scheduled an appointment. I walked in to the principal's office with my tape recorder, which I never ended up turning on. As soon as he started talking, I began crying. I hate getting in trouble. I hated everything. It was like everything I wanted so badly was shattered, and here I was with one of the most-hated members of that college's faculty, and he was about to yell at me. I sat there, sobbing, unable to form a word.

He started telling me about how he had read my entire blog, and how there were members both inside and outside the VFCC community who read it and participated in it. He pulled out some printed pages and read them to me...he had them all stapled and highlighted. He said that the entire campus was ashamed of my behavior and that I was single-handedly putting a bad image on the college. "There is not a single student here dissatisfied with this institution," he told me, and he genuinely believed it. How far his head must have been up his ass to believe that.

I was livid. I wanted to shout, "Are you fucking serious!? Other than the small handful of student government and music performance team students that YOU associate with, NOBODY loves it here. We all hate the rules, we all feel trapped, and we all are acting like martyrs because we all thought this place was heaven when in reality, it's purgatory at best. The only difference is, I am the only one who has the balls to say a SINGLE WORD about it. Everyone else just wants to graduate and get the hell out because most of the credits they started here won't transfer to a real college. You want to whitewash this place and put band-aids on gaping wounds but you won't admit there's even a problem here!" But, like a bad 80's movie protagonist, I just sat there, and didn't say a word. I was just trying to hold in my boogers and tears.

With no hint of compassion, he peered at me and said, "Why are you crying?" I unloaded on him in a blubbering, sobbing mess of an answer told him how miserable I was, how this place wasn't what I thought it would be, how people were mocking me and refusing to sit near me in the cafeteria, how I'd heard whispers of threats against me throughout campus, how even the nice Christian girls wouldn't speak to or look at me. He tossed a box of tissues into my lap and leaned in, much in the fashion of a 1950's film noir police detective interviewing a hardened criminal, and told me I had two choices and two choices only:

1. I could remain at VFCC, under one condition: I would agree and sign papers stating that I would never at any point speak, write, type, text, or THINK a bad thing about that campus, its students and faculty, its policies, its appearance, or its curriculum. If any word got back to him - "And be assured, you will be monitored closely by both IT and administration" - that I wasn't 100% glowing happy about this place, then I would be instantly and without regret booted from campus without a refund.

2. I could make the choice to leave, and he would kindly refund the 3 weeks of tuition I'd accrued on the current semester. I had to be off college grounds within 48 hours.

I chose to leave. Looking back, I realize I could have a lawsuit on my hands. They kicked me out for stating honest, heartfelt opinions, in this amazing place called America. Who knows, it's a private college and they probably had every right to mind-control their students. Or maybe I could have found a lawyer who would have taken my case and embarrassed the shit out of that place. Either way, I was done. I had no fight left in me.

I packed up my entire dorm into hefty trash bags. My sister planned a GOODBYE "MOOSE" (that was my nickname, cuz i LOVED Canada) party for me and most of friends were able to come to say goodbye. We played Super-Nintendo on my SNES emulator, sat around singing, J-vo made a boob joke, and everyone laughed and hugged me goodbye. It was a nice send-off. I still have the card they all signed for me. <3

Part one: My first and second boyfriends
Part two: My first and second boyfriends part 2
Part three: Welcome to Bible College
Part four: Kicked out of Bible College
Part five: Pregnant

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