I just wanted to say a few things to the ladies that will be sharing my big day with me. Despite the fact that I don't ever watch those Bridezilla type shows (because I want to pretend that all my wedding ideas were originally mine, and watching those shows would shatter that illusion. It's the same reason I can't watch Martha Stewart...I'm pretty much set on the idea that she stole all her ideas from me.), but I do know that Brides tend to be a bit Crazy during their wedding planning.
And guess who
bears the brunt of that Crazy? It can't be the groom - we're in the home
stretch, can't scare him off. No, no...I've gotta keep my Crazy Monster
Side locked away until I have him tied down to the altar.
It's the bridal party. The bridal party deals with the bride's crazy
and her emotional highs and lows and her losing her mind about
EVERYTHING. And since every bride seems to give herself the green light
to stomp all over her best friends just because she's the bride, I've
decided to write a letter to my party now - before my Bucket-'O-Crazy
comes out. Let's hope they hold me to my word.
First of all, I chose you to be in my
wedding party, so this means that we're close friends who adore one
another. Please keep this in mind over the next few months. You like me.
More importantly, I like you. I really do. You know that I'm a
level-headed (when sober), caring person who just wants to have a
fabulous, simple wedding day. But you also know that, like many of us
ladies, I have a whole bucket of Crazy at the ready, at any given
moment. I promise to do my best to keep this Crazy in check, even when
things get hectic. Feel free to point it out of it starts showing.
say that every bride should be the most beautiful girl at her own
wedding. While I agree with this, I don't think it's cool to create a
juxtaposition by putting the bride in a beautiful, flowing white gown,
and standing her next to a chiffon overload of brightly-colored
bridesmaids who look like they're wearing a pastry chef's rejected first
try. Therefore, I promise that I will include your opinions and body
types in *our* selection of bridesmaid dresses. You will look hot, I
promise, in a well-fitting dress with a beautiful, simple color scheme.
Also, affordability and rewearability will be a huge factor in our
bridesmaid-dress-picking process. You're welcome.
you should also know: I'm cheap. If I can't get it on sale or clearance,
I won't get it. I've been trying to kick this exhausting addiction to
frugality, but sometimes it's just more sensible to be cheap. And at
weddings, one fabulous way to go "cheap" is to do it yourself with
wedding favors and decorations. I have a million ideas (I came up with
them ALL myself). I would love your help. (Please help. I didn't realize
how big this task was and I can't do it. Oh dear God, I can't do this
I promise I won't get drunk at my own wedding.
You, however, feel free. If you're single, I'll try to invite as many
hot single guys to drink with you. I will force you to have fun, not
work your butt off, at the reception. I promise, you won't be stuck
doing grunt work. We'll hire someone for that. Also, I promise to have
the photographer get tons of pictures of you looking smoking hot for you
to put on facebook. Again: you're welcome.
And now a
few requests, if you don't mind? I love the cheesy thing where you clink
your glasses until the bride and groom kiss. It's cute. However, I have
something that is both cute for the newlyweds AND embarrassing for the
guests: I have an aunt from Newfoundland who had a great wedding
tradition: to get the bride and groom to kiss, someone must stand up and
belt out a line from a song with the word "LOVE" in it. Oh yes - it's
like wedding day Karaoke, but better. Also, I lied about it being my
aunt's Canadian tradition. I thought of it all by myself. You're
welcome. (Okay, fine, it's a Canadian thing. Whatever.)
Another request: I want toasts, and lots of them.
Cheesy, embarrassing toasts that make the guests laugh and the bride and
groom blush. If you can't think of any, we need to hang out so you can
build up some embarrassing stories. Get on it. On that vein, I also want
a really fun bachelorette party - drinking, laughing, dancing, but no
guys. I'm pretty darn happy with Future Husband. And if we have male
strippers, that gives him a ticket to get female strippers - and we all
know that's never a good idea. Nobody wants to smell like stale used
stripper at their wedding.
Also: Who's down with doing a
fun, funky bridal party dance that surprises and amuses the guests?
Come on. Let's embarrass ourselves. Let's make it a night to remember.
As you know, I also thought of this idea and we'll be the first bridal
party EVER to do this. Again, you're welcome. Also: if we're all not comfortable with this, it's all good. I can't dance anyway.
Another point: please don't be overly critical of the things I choose to do and use in the wedding. I'm highly opinionated myself so I know that stating opinions can sometimes hurt people. You probably know that I'm a super wimp who takes things personally and can't get criticisms and fights out of my head. Let's avoid this possibility by only expressing constructive criticism if any at all. I'm also a bit of a control freak, so let me take the reigns even if I'm asking for opinions. I probably won't ask, but just in case, don't get upset if I ignore your idea and go with mine. I'm a bit of a flake.
In conclusion, Bridal Party, I love you ladies. Thanks
for being in my bridal party. Thanks for being part of the most epic
wedding party to ever have existed. Let's make this a fun day.