I can't handle being friends with hipsters.
First of all, the
facial hair. Who decided it would be considered 'hip' (or whatever the
hipster word for 'hip' is) to have sprouts of pubes growing out of your
Then, there are the clothes. The men dress like skinny
girls, even if they're neither skinny nor girl, and the women shop in
the teenage girls' department. Listen, hipsters: if I wanted to look
like I hang out with men whose balls haven't dropped and prepubescent high
school girls, I'd become a pedophile, okay? I'm all about having
personal style, but when your personal style matches color-for-color,
garment-for-garment the colors and garments of the scads of other
twentysomethings who are lined up outside the same concert venue as you
carrying the same chai latte as all your friends, that's not style.
That's idiocy. A 30 year old's fashion accessories shouldn't be the same
as my second-grade daughter's.
Seriously, kids: you look like
a Tim Burton film trying to casually dust off and stroll away after a
violent collision with a Lisa Frank Trapper-Keeper.
of all is the up and down of the trends with these kids. They obsess
over something for a year - mustaches, PBR, some random band who's not
from the USA, an indy TV show that nobody else likes because it's awful
but they like it because the jokes are funny in an unfunny way - and
then suddenly they're over it, they're no longer interested, and you're
uncool if you happen to still like it. Seriously? Did all these people
suddenly become an aloof version of the insecure pretty girl in sixth
grade who needs to be in on 'the next big thing' in order to like
Ugh. I just have no time for it. I wish someone would
do a study on the income, spending habits, and work habits of anyone
who's labelled as a hipster. I guarantee they all have Iphones, don't
work 40 hours a week, and don't even pay rent to their parents.
What a generation...